Sophie Gonzales

ay my head on the armrest, and close my eyes, while Zach, who sits in the armchair next to me, amuses himself by rhythmically poking my head.

When Zach whispers, his voice barely changes. That’s how soft-spoken he is. His voice is a fawn’s pelt. A soft bed of moss. You could fall asleep to its lull.

“True. It feels different, though.”

“It’ll be the new normal in no time.”

“I guess. Like how all this”—I wave a hand around vaguely—“feels normal now.”

“Right.”

“That’s kind of a depressing thought.”

He tips his head back, exposing his neck. “What?”

“That it doesn’t matter how big or exciting something is, it just becomes average after a while.”

He puts his feet up on the back of Jon’s seat, his knees against his face. Somewhere in the back of my mind, a voice tells me that if the minibus crashed, his legs would drive right through his head. The concern is going to keep niggling at me if I try to ignore it, so I place my hand on his shins and gently press his legs back down. He gives me a crooked half-smile, and grudgingly obeys

-established nickname already. He got it from his dad as a toddler, because Mrs. Phan took offense to the original, more accurate nickname of “devil child,” and Mr. Phan had a well-developed sense of ironic humor.

“Yeah but he’s my—Ruben.”

Mom musses my hair. I leave it; I like it better this way anyway.

I type back: I miss you too man.

Ruben responds with a thumbs-up, which I know is just to annoy me. I’ve ranted to him before about how I think they’re passive-aggressive.

“Oh my god, absolutely not.” All traces of mirth vanish as he wrenches the phone from my hands. I try to retrieve it, and he shoves it in his back pocket, pressing a hand on my chest to ward me away. He’s straight, I remind the butterflies that flutter to life in my stomach. “No. Stop. You’re perfect, and you’re the best singer I’ve ever heard in, just, my whole fucking life, and screw your mom. Sorry, I didn’t mean that. But also, kind of?”

Ruben catches me looking at him, and his eyebrow arches. My attention is drawn to his lips. It’s clearly been way too long since I’ve kissed someone, since now all I’m thinking about is the feeling of them against my palm. They were so soft. I should figure out which lip balm he uses. I want mine to feel like that when I finally do meet a girl again.

Is there a song in that … you’re hot like water?

No, that’s nothing. I’m delirious.

It must be why I’m so fixated on Ruben’s lips. I’m delirious, that’s all.

My brain’s just starting to adjust to my eyes being closed when I get the feeling I’m being watched. “Zach?” I whisper.

“Yeah?” his breath falls on me when he speaks. That didn’t happen the last time he spoke. He’s moved in even closer. I’m sure of it.

brain’s just starting to adjust to my eyes being closed when I get the feeling I’m being watched. “Zach?” I whisper.

“Yeah?” his breath falls on me when he speaks. That didn’t happen the last time he spoke. He’s moved in even closer. I’m sure of it.