Patricia Evans

The victim of abuse is taught to believe that although she is hurting, she shouldn’t be, or that she is in some way responsible. From childhood, she is conditioned not to understand her feelings and so not to recognize the truth. This truth is that she is being abused and blamed for the abuse (as if it could be justified) and for feeling bad about it (as if her feelings were wrong).

We know that verbal abuse occurs to some extent in all but the most ideal of childhoods, leaving most with some uncertainty — some self-doubt. This self-doubt is greatly increased in an abusive relationship.

Clearly, when there is no witness to one’s experience and no validation of one’s reality, one must rely solely upon one’s own feelings and judgment. This is difficult for anyone. It is doubly difficult for the partner because the abuse itself diminishes her ability to trust her own feelings and her own judgment. Her feelings and judgment are constantly condemned by the abuse.