Gary Chapman

Often the difference between resolving conflicts and arguing is attitude.

But I know that behind the frustration of unresolved conflicts is the desire for harmony.

Loving relationships are fostered by understanding, not by winning arguments.

Understanding fosters resolution and harmony.

What brought these couples from the anticipation of spring to the harshness of winter in their marriage relationships? Almost without exception, the process involved unresolved conflicts. Differences emerged, and some of these differences became divisive. The couples had no training in how to resolve conflicts, so they ended up trying to convince their spouses of the validity of their own perspective by means of carefully worded arguments. When the arguments were unconvincing, they repeated them with more intensity and blamed their spouses for being illogical and unreasonable. Eventually, tired of arguing, they withdrew from each other, and the coldness of winter settled over the marriage.

Good marriages are based on friendship, not on winning arguments.

When differences are viewed as assets, and husbands and wives work together in harmony, life is beautiful.

, the argument accomplished a great deal. Unfortunately, the accomplishments were all destructive.

arguments never resolve anything; they only reveal conflicts.

Once a conflict is revealed, a couple must find a way to resolve it with dignity and with respect for the other person.