Hunger

How gaily and lightly these people I met carried their radiant heads, and swung themselves through life as through a ball-room! There was no sorrow in a single look I met, no burden on any shoulder, perhaps not even a clouded thought, not a little hidden pain in any of the happy souls. And I, walking in the very midst of these people, young and newly-fledged as I was, had already forgotten the very look of happiness.

I could not sit down on a bench by myself or set my foot any place without being assailed by insignificant accidents, miserable details, that forced their way into my imagination and scattered my powers to all the four winds.

God knows, thought I, if looking for employment will ever again avail me aught. The frequent repulses, half-promises, and curt noes, the cherished, deluded hopes, and fresh endeavours that always resulted in nothing had done my courage to death.

The cakes disappeared one by one; they seemed to go no way; no matter how I ate I was still greedily hungry.

I grew sick with pain and shame. I whispered "Ylajali" a few times, with hoarse voice, and flung back my head.

No, no, no; there would never be an end to my degradation!

The day might come when I would just take into my head to pass her haughtily by without glancing once towards her.

If I only had a place to go to.

I was not in the least proud; I dared make the assertion roundly, that I was one of the least arrogant beings up to date. I went ahead.

and I tried to console myself by thinking the worst thoughts about her;