The Xenophobe's Guide to the Dutch

When Napoleon invaded the Netherlands he forced the Dutch to adopt surnames – something not all of them had thought of doing. Those without had to adopt that extra name quick-smart and, assuming it would be a temporary measure and that once the invader had been sent packing they could resort to their old way of life, people thought up all sorts of odd names so that they could have a good laugh at the unwitting French officials’ expense. But the joke backfired. Today there are families burdened with such names as Naaktgeboren (‘born naked’), Hoogen-boezem (‘high bosomed’), or Poepjens (‘pooh-pooh’).

The English dismiss anything they find too baffling as ‘Double Dutch

There is a saying that if you put two Dutch people in a room they will start a debate; add a third and they will found a church or a political party.”

Doe maar gewoon’ (Just behave).

Overt parading of your superiority might be unacceptable, but behind-the-scenes schemes and stratagems are just as complex and as effective in Dutch companies as in any others. Subtle signs stake out one’s progress: the Dutch dress informally at work. Jeans and open-necked shirts are quite acceptable male attire. Dark suits are the preserve of very top management. Jeans combined with a jacket and tie mark the first step towards higher things. Next, jeans are dropped in favour of proper trousers. This sartorial signalling is subtly controlled. Dressing above one’s station is contrary to good team spirit.

That comes through hard work, a good co-operative spirit and the right education. Decisions made at the beginning of secondary school about which educational channel to follow, set Dutch workers on a course for life.

One-upmanship and flaunting your individual abilities will alienate members of the team, and are not the way to go about getting promotion.

a Dutch company, supervisors are ‘co-ordinators’ and, though the boss might be addressed as U, he – or she – knows better than even to think of issuing anything that might be taken to resemble an order.

The aim of a meeting is not to outvote a minority, but to reach a joint decision that the team can happily implement. Foreigners less used to such forthright cut and thrust, however, may be left bleeding by the wayside.

The key word in a Dutch company is teamwork.