How to Establish Boundaries

“I” statements. These will remind you to talk from your own agency and responsibility. For example, nobody can “make” anyone feel anything. Rather, say, “When you did that, I felt this way” rather than, “You make me feel uncomfortable.”

Plan your move

Decide what your deal breakers are and identify the areas you can compromise on

Avoid falling into victim mode, seeking contrition or apologies, or blaming.

many people will assume that you are attacking or criticizing them, but don’t see conflict or tension as a sign that you shouldn’t be enforcing a boundary. You are deliberately changing the terms of your relationship, so give them time to process and respond as they need to, without rushing in to apologize or take responsibility or blame.

Is the problem that your boundaries aren’t properly formed in your mind, or is the problem that you have trouble implementing them? Are you merely saying the words, but internally don’t really believe them yourself? Are you unconsciously hoping that the other person will push past boundaries to show that they love or need you and are willing to take care of you and remove all of your responsibilities? These are tricky questions. Watch carefully if either you or the other person is making excuses for why your boundaries can’t be respected. Take note. The better you can understand all the obstacles standing in your way, the sooner you can start to remove them.
Step Three: Seek support

Part of healing your boundaries is doing the work of strengthening your self-esteem, refining your identity, and narrowing in on the values that give your life a sense of purpose and meaning. More practically speaking, though, boundary work is about taking the time to draw clear, detailed, and precise lines around yourself with a firm intention.

you also think of practical actions and events they apply to?

With whom and in what context?

Planning will give you a sense of control, purpose, and direction. Knowing what you want and how you’re going to get it can focus your mind and give you strength to follow through on your convictions, despite any pushback from others.