Lights Out: A Dark Stalker Rom-Com

Aly, nothing you could say about your family would ever drive me away.”
“Okay then. My uncle Nico is in the mob.”
Josh turned toward his door. “Pull over. We’re breaking up.” He jiggled the handle like he was trying to open it. “Let me out.”

don’t know. I’ve gone blind,” I said, voice laced with panic. Fuck, that was the second time I’d forgotten to disguise it.
“What?” she yelped, and the mattress shifted with her movement.
“Help me,” I whimpered, Batman-style, and yes, it was just as pathetic as it sounds.

That’s it,” Josh said, scooping him up and carrying him out of sight. “Ow. Jesus, be gentle, Fred. You’re clawing through my shirt again. Yes, I know you’re glad to see me.” His voice grew quieter the farther away he walked. “Yes, I missed you too, but screaming at people isn’t the way to show that you care, and don’t you dare point out my stalking. We’re talking about your eccentricities right now, not Daddy’s.”

You think I don’t know who you are, but I do,” she said, looking furious. “None of your bullshit threw me off. In fact, it did nothing but confirm my suspicions. I tried to do this the nice way, beat you at your own game, but fuck it. You’re not playing fair, so neither will I. Guess what? I plucked a few pieces of hair off your sweatshirt while rubbing your back yesterday, and if you think I’m not going to DNA test them against the bloody bandages I stashed in my freezer, you’re dead-ass wrong.” She winked. “Later, Boo.”

, Fred. Mommy and Daddy need to have alone time right now.”

By the time I was finished with the Faceless Man tonight, he would be the one walking funny.

Josh was the Faceless Man. I didn’t know how I knew it, but I did.

Would you rather ejaculate one tadpole-sized sperm every time you come or a hundred regular-sized ones that can all talk?”
I sucked in a breath full of coffee and immediately started choking. Aly patted me on the back while I leaned forward, hacking as my lungs tried to expel the liquid invasion.
“Sorry,” she said. “Should have waited until you swallowed. I’ve caught a lot of people off guard with that one.”
“That is a truly impossible question,” I wheezed.
She quit patting me and rubbed her hand over my back instead, and I decided to stay right where I was until she felt like stopping. “I know. Because on the one hand, ow. On the other, you could never get rid of them.” She raised her voice to a much higher register, sounding like a munchkin. “Nooo. Don’t flush us, Josh. We’re aliiive.”

When was the last time I’d done this? Sat and talked with a woman?

nearly kicked at the floor like a petulant child. But I don’t wanna go to bed! I want to stay up late and get railed!