Frozen Through the Eyes of a Child

FROZEN: Through the Eyes of a Child, Triumph Over Abuse is written to enlighten the reader regarding what daily emotional and physical trauma happens to abused children. How can a child survive when her shattered family fails to protect her? How can an abused child believe she is loved? How does the child deal with multiple losses, the betrayals, the lies, the blame that she must endure from the abusers? What words can express the child's conflict when the man who sexually abuses her is her daddy who she is supposed to love?

What has happened to that child of abuse, is a deep-rooted feeling of “not being good enough.” It's a tremendous insecurity which prevails throughout the child's life. Other symptoms manifest such as a fear of closeness. Abused children often grow up choosing emotionally unavailable partners, repeating the cycle of abuse that is familiar to them. Yet, again it confirms that “Families don't work.”

Imagine a father on top of his seven or eight year-old daughter (or son) slowly attempting to penetrate his child. It's a horrific image, right? That's exactly what too many children endure and have to learn to cope with from their fathers, step-fathers, uncles, brothers, cousins, babysitters, and even mothers. Most of the time, sexual abuse is committed by someone who the child trusts. Children are forced to develop coping strategies to survive the trauma and violation that often haunts them for years, affecting every aspect of their lives.

It's very common for survivors to have dissociative amnesia. The brain attempts to bury the traumatic event, preventing the memory out until the person is able to handle the reality of what happened to him or her. Now, however, the Child's Victims Act in New York, allows for child victims of sexual abuse to provide an outlet and legal means for the survivors when they do speak out. Other state laws just say, “Sorry we can't help you. There's a statute of limitations; too much time has gone by. It's too late for you!” Tragically, it seems that, all too often, the laws protect the perpetrators and not the victims. Hopefully, all the US states will adopt NY's Child's Victims Act.

In reality, we are only victims if we choose to perceive ourselves as victims! We must not be defined based upon our circumstances or by our family of origin! Only we have the power. We must use our power to define ourselves!