Precious Hazard: An Arranged Marriage Mafia Romance

Fucking great. Not only did I steal a fucking cab, but apparently, I’ve also kidnapped someone’s grandma in the process.

“He got your sister. You get his. Problem eliminated.”

Radio Host:Wait, wait. I’m not sure I’m following, Don. You hired the kidnappers in the first place! And then you chased them down and… offed… them? For taking the cat?

Guest:I’m not sure why you’re confused, James. This is very simple. No one kidnaps my wife’s cat. Or gets away with it.

Radio Host:Right. Good to know. Um… I take it you’ve been married for quite some time now. So, I gather, she did develop feelings for you, in the end?

Guest:Of course.

Radio Host:Seriously? I mean… How can you be sure of her love? Did she express it in some grand manner or—

Guest:She took a bullet for me. Grand enough for you, James?

Radio Host:Whoa! That’s… huge.

…

Producer:James, we’re still live.

Radio Host:[Ahem] Right. Well, our time is almost up. I… ah… have one more question for you, Don. As a man who is very much in love with your wife—

Guest:Understatement.

Radio Host:Of course. I can see that. Could you tell me, is there anything about your wife that you might… not like? A pet peeve, perhaps?

Guest:My wife is the embodiment of perfection. I worship every single thing about her. Except Kurt.

Radio Host:Kurt?

Guest:Her defective cat.

I am constantly tempted to strangle the little devil. Unfortunately, she loves the damned thing. And because she does, even though I hate him with a passion, I can’t bring myself to harm him in any way. And, all my passive attempts to neutralize him failed. Leaving the doors open in hopes that he would flee. Windows, too. Nothing. Even the kidnapping and forced relocation scheme.

Radio Host:You tried to kidnap your wife’s cat?

Guest:Don’t be ridiculous. I just said I wouldn’t lay a hand on him. Weren’t you paying attention?

Radio Host:Um—

Guest:I hired a professional team. Top-notch mercenaries. Everything was planned out to the minute detail. I had taken my wife out for a romantic dinner, gave the home security personnel a night off, and provided means of entry to the perpetrators. All they had to do was go in, collect the damn cat, and drive him out of state. Easy pickings.

They had the little pest safely in their grasp in under fifteen minutes. I received a confirmation call as they were heading out of the city on the interstate. My wife and I were still enjoying our main course—

Radio Host:Oh my God! You actually had your wife’s cat kidnapped!

Guest:That’s absurd. I got off the line and excused myself, letting my wife know that I needed to deal with an urgent matter. Then, I caught up with the kidnappers and disposed of them.

Radio Host:Hold on a minute. What do you mean by “dispose of them”? You didn’t actually…?

Guest:Of course I did. And once that was done, I brought the pest home. Told my wife I simply needed to have Kurt checked out by the vet, but that I didn’t want to needlessly worry her. [Ahem.]. If you are listening, cara mia, I’m deeply sorry.

Let’s get started. Could you tell us why you chose to accept our invitation to appear on tonight’s program? As I understand, you run a major conglomerate, so I do not doubt that your time must be very limited.

Guest:That’s correct. I’m here because I have been blackmailed and coerced to come.

Radio Host:No way! Coerced? I had no idea. Could you elaborate on that?

Guest:One of my business associates thought that my appearance on your show would be helpful. Unfortunately, he shared this harebrained idea with my wife. She liked it. And then made me do it.

I lift my chin a little higher, assuming a more dignified pose. Of course he killed them. No one fucks with the Ajello family, and I am a valued member of the clowder. Integral. Irreplaceable. Riggs doesn’t count, of course.

Yes! They smashed my self-esteem to smithereens, and then you arrived and buried it completely! How dare you help me, human? I would have managed to free myself! Eventually.

“You seem fine. Alright. Let’s go home, little pest.”

Pest? Me? Maybe I should stay with the catnappers. They obviously have a better sense of my worth.

The car door creaks as someone opens it, and then the bag I’m in is lifted off the ground. No! What is happening? Am I being catnapped from my catnappers?

Well, I am not going down without a fight!

HISS. GROWL. SNARL. HISS.

I trash around, scratching at the fabric of the bag.

“Stop that!” a low, commanding voice orders. “Damn defective cat.”

The Mean One?

A long, delighted meow leaves me. I am being saved!

I patiently wait as he unties the bag, all while oscillating between relief and irritation. I’m thrilled that soon I’ll be
returned to Milene, but the fact that I’m being rescued by my nemesis feels somehow degrading.

Yeah, I know. There were two against one, but I should have been able to best them. My easy life with Milene has made me too soft. Shit, if the word spreads in the streets, about how a human had to save me, that would kill my reputation. I’d be tossed out of the Alley Cat Society.

“Here, kitty, kitty…”

The intruder lowers the can of tuna to the kitchen floor.

Nope. Ignore him. It’s some kind of a trick.

Everyone knows not to take fish from strangers.

But dog’s balls, it smells so good! Tempting me. Tempting me.

This dumb forced diet has turned my poor tummy into the size of a pea. How much can a starving cat be expected to handle? Mmm… Maybe just a sniff? A quick little bite—to recoup my power—before I turn my focus to disposing of this unwanted visitor.

Intoxicated by the heavenly smell, I dismiss the dude, no longer caring who he is or what he’s after. Following my nose, I jump down off the bookshelf and rush toward the feast.