Each of us can choose to do this individually, regardless of how our spouses respond. Their actions toward us are not in our keeping, but our ability to be kind and giving lies entirely within our realm. And the beauty of God’s creation is that when we love, we experience God—and that’s what brings true happiness. When we act in love, we invite God into our house, and God brings a soul-fulfilling joy that transcends contemporary notions of mere euphoria.
When marriages break down, they often do so in a context of resentment and a feeling that we’re not getting what we need or want. But looked at in the light of love, this enemy loses all its power and place: “The most obvious lesson in Christ’s teaching, ” Drummond writes, “is that there is no happiness in having and getting anything, but only in giving. I repeat, There is no happiness in having, or in getting,but only in giving. And half the world is on the wrong scent in the pursuit of happiness. They think it consists in having and getting, and in being served by others. It consists in giving and serving others. . . . He that would be happy, let him remember that there is but one way—it is more blessed, it is more happy, to give than to receive.”27