“Why am I still single?” If you’re single and searching, there’s no end to other people’s explanations, excuses, and criticism explaining why you haven’t found a partner: “You’re too picky. Just find a good-enough guy and you’ll be fine.” “You’re too desperate. If men think you need them, they’ll run scared.” “You’re too independent. Smart, ambitious women always have a harder time finding mates.” “You have low self-esteem. You can’t love someone else until you’ve learned to love yourself.” “You’re too needy. You can’t be happy in a relationship until you’ve learned to be happy on your own.” Based on her popular Modern Love column, Sara Eckel’s It’s Not You challenges these myths, encouraging singletons to stop picking apart their personalities and to start tapping into their own wisdom about who and what is right for them. Supported by the latest psychological and sociological research, as well as interviews with people who have experienced longtime singledom, Eckel creates a strong and empowering argument to understand and accept that there’s no one reason why you’re single—you just are. Review A must for any single woman's personal library. -PUBLISHERS WEEKLY What makes It's Not You stand out among myriad dating guides is Eckel's tone: devoid of sass for sass's sake, calm without preaching. -KEZIAH WEIR, ELLE Thank you, Sara Eckel, for speaking up and turning the tables on anyone who dared point their needling finger at poor old singletons negotiating the process of looking for love. It's Not You is a smart and sane respite from the incessant chatter of relationship self help that places the single person in the middle of a perpetual makeover project. Eckel deftly argues why you don't need any of it and she'll make you think about dating in an entirely new light. -RACHEL MACHACEK, AUTHOR OF THE SCIENCE OF SINGLE Eckel is funny, compassionate and righteously resistant to the lies women are told about how personal shortcomings have damned them to singlehood, while smartly standing up to assumptions that there's anything wrong with unmarried life to begin with. – REBECCA TRAISTER, AUTHOR OF BIG GIRLS DON'T CRY: THE ELECTION THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING FOR AMERICAN WOMEN It's Not You masquerades as self-help but it's really a manifesto, a radical declaration of truths that shouldn't be all that radical but somehow are nonetheless. Sara Eckel does what no one writing about singleness has yet had the guts to do. She points out that coupling up is often nothing more than a matter of luck and that conventional wisdom about love is no substitute for real wisdom about life--something she has in spades. – MEGHAN DAUM, AUTHOR OF MY MISSPENT YOUTH AND LIFE WOULD BE PERFECT IF I LIVED IN THAT HOUSE
longing was not desperation
