Life as a carefree kid ended for TJ with a diagnosis of dyslexia-ADHD. He would have to repeat the 3rd grade at another school and was henceforth to be learning challenged, a person viewed through his limitations. His response was to take control of his world so that he wouldn’t be embarrassed. He’d be funny: laughed with, not laughed at. He’d excel in athletics: swimming, soccer, football. God couldn’t be trusted. Look what he’d allowed! TJ’s life was tightly controlled, by him. Until one morning when TJ mysteriously lost his health to a strange, a terminal disease. Here was something he couldn’t control. Could God? Would God?
This is the story of one man’s wrestling with God over control. It’s the story of his discovery that being a control freak could mean the destruction of his family and of his ability to contribute, or even survive in this life.
Would he wield or yield?
I am a recovering control freak. Being a control freak was a way of life. The only way I knew I could survive and thrive. I treated control like it was the most valuable player that could make anything happen. What a joke.
They say in life that “life lessons” are the best teachers, preferably someone else’s. Well, I didn’t listen. I had to learn the hard way. Doing things my way, all by myself. So, I became a control freak who craved one thing, More control. For much of my life, I insisted on controlling everything. Every single thing. Like an addict, I had an unquenchable thirst for control, especially in times when God seemed to be uncaring and absent. I believed that only the perseverance of total control would get me the results I wanted. Until I finally discovered Who is actually in control. Spoiler alert; it’s not me. A few short years ago I found myself in a living hell where all hope seemed lost. I shouldn't even be alive. No one could’ve ever dared to dream that I’d get from there to here, not even me. But God was faithful and never let me go.
-TJ
